I was sitting in FSM feeling sorry for myself. Trying to convey my feelings in a letter, convinced that it would somehow change things. It won’t but I’d rather write this letter than let a friendship deteriorate.

I was doubting whether or not I could ever change myself. Wondering whether loving God was worth it. I haven’t spoken to Him in months. I live here, but I barely go to the Prayer Room. It seems as though nothing can make me happy anymore. I’m partially convinced it will stay this way.

I’d convinced myself that none of it really mattered. This is all for nothing anyway.

Then two things happened. One much more significant than the other.

1. Mr. Tullis (or the Holiest man on Earth as I refer to him) said hello to me. Apparently, I’m not as invisible as I try to make myself.

2. And Katy Jorash walked by me.

I know that second statement probably sounds insignificant, if that. But it was the one that made me second guess myself.

I doubt that you, whoever you are, know Katy. She is beautiful, intelligent and wise. During my internship I got to know Jesus, it’s what I came here for. But I also got to know Katy. Yes, I found Him through the Bible and through encounter. But in a lot of ways, I learned who He is from other people. Katy is one of the most powerful reflections of Him that I’ve ever seen. She loves as He would love. Acts as He would act. In that one moment, when she walked by me ushering… I remembered who He was and who He is today. I saw Him reflected in her eyes.

And for one second, it all made sense again.
I guess it’s one second at a time from now on.

(Otherwise, I’d have to make that girl pace back in forth in front of me all day. )